Today has been a good day, and an emotional one at that. Not because of things going wrong but because of my faith. I'm going to be completely honest with whoever is reading this. Some of these chapters don't hit me. They don't really speak to me. And some of these chapters may not speak to a certain individual like they do another. They are saying something but I just don't feel that rush when I read sometimes.. like I thought I would feel. When I got this book, I knew it was a good step for me. I knew it was a great committment and an awesome place to start. Believe me when I say this, there has been a huge change in me and some may be able to see it. But I guess my hopes in reading this book were all wrong. I was hoping to be "shown" the way. I was hoping it was going to be handed to me. Some of you may know what I'm meaning.
For the past week, I've been reading this book every day, on the day it tells me to. I get what I want out of it and work on it. Then I sit down to my computer and I rant on what I've learned that day... But I've been questioning myself. Am I just reading and doing what it says do because its become a challenge to me or am I actually taking in what it is saying and having God show me his way? To be honest, it has become a routine and a chore for me to do each day. I wake up, read like I'm supposed to, then I get on the computer and write this blog because I said I was committed to doing it.
Like I said before, questions arised. I sat down with my mom and dad and let them know my concerns. What I was feeling. I let God know I was feeling these feelings too. My heart was on the line tonight but I rathered bringing it up than letting it bury deep inside me and not get anything accomplished. Am I a fake? How do I know God is talking to me? How can I talk to someone who isn't there? Am I really saved?
Do you know what's been missing this whole time? God! I wake up and do this, like I said, as a chore. Not once through these 8 days have I woke up and asked God to show me what He wants me to see for the day. I take in what he shows me throughout the day, but like my dad said tonight..."Thats like you going into work, sitting there all day, then when its time to leave and you clock out, you finally ask your manager if there is anything you can do for him." I'm being as real as it gets right now, and I'm a work in progress. I need to grow stronger in my faith.
I have asked the Lord to do some work in me. And he knows my heart. I've talked to him about it. But starting today, God will be the first I speak to.
You're heading in the right direction. Stay encouraged and keep Jesus as your focus. Remember, the Word of God will give you the answers you need. Pray and search His Word, He will give you understanding and answers for the questions you have.
ReplyDeleteLuv ya, Aunt Diana