I've Only Just Begun

So for all of you readers out there, not sure who all you are, I'm sure most of you have noticed I totally bailed on this whole blog writing thing. Don't get me wrong, I loved doing it, but I was doing it for all the wrong reasons. Now this doesn't mean I stopped reading the book or working out the daily lessons, cause that is definetly not the case. I just stopped writing the blog.

When I was reading the book and writing the blog every night, the only thing I was focused on was what I was going to write. It got very distracting. I was so worried about what to write and if anyone would get anything from it, I was hardly focusing on what it's intentions were for my life. It's sad when I would just get on blogspot and look at my stats for each day, wondering who all was reading this thing. I mean it's nice to have had someone actually reading it and enjoying it, but it became my main focus...so I stopped writing the blog so I could focus more on my spiritual journey than my writing.

I have finished the book, and I did finish it all in 30 days...just like the book intended for me to do. But that does not mean this is the end. I did not just turn into this amazing, godly person in 30 days. There is still a lot of things that need work in my life and I plan to accomplish it all with God right there with me. I just have to remember to put him first in my life.

God Bless everyone! <3

Day 12: Boxing Ring- Resolving Conflict by Fighting Fair

I really really enjoyed today's chapter. It's something I think that I definetly need to work on and so do many other people. There is not many ways that I can really write it all out but I can give you an outline of what it was talking about. It may help you like it did me. It made me really think about how I handle conflict between people.

There are many different styles to fighting. We may not notice where we stand or what kind of fighter we are. So here are some types.

1. Rope-a-dope fighter- Muhammed Ali approach. Will sit there with a guard up allowing the other person to attack while they just wear themselves out. They avoid conflict.
2. Knockout Artist- "Its my way or the highway." This person will fight until the other person gives up and they win. The opponent has no voice and gets walked all over.
3. Take-the-Fall fighter- They give up early in the fight. They become doormats. Often creates bitterness in that person and dangerous pride to the person doing the walking on.
4. One-Two puncher- Give and take. You win half, I win half.
5. Sparring Partner- Best style. This person is committed to being a part of the team and helps out their partner. Stay in the conflict until a mutual decision has resolved. These fighters realize that their relationship is way more important than the stupid argument they were in.

"Make it Count Moment"
What type of fighter do you think you are? Where do you think this style came about?

To be honest, I think I may be a mix between two. Now that I look at it, Some times I think I'm the Knockout artist and other times I think I'm the Take-the-Fall fighter. But it also depends on who I'm fighting against. My Mom and Dad are so amazing and they are amazing Sparring partners. I honestly don't know where my fighting style came from because it obviously didn't come from them. Maybe I just need to wait for God's match for me and then I'll have my sparring partner.

Ground Rules!
At the beginning of every match, ground rules are set in the ring. These should be set before any confrontation. With a co-worker, remind each other that you are committed to finding a solution and with a friend, remind them of what that friendship means to you.

Now also before each match, mouth guards are put in. We often don't think of how words can hurt another person. This wound can fester for years and really hinder the relationship, just by letting something slip.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen....Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

Ephesians 4:29-32 (NIV)

Ground Rules:

1. Don't attack- attack the issue at hand WITHOUT attacking each other. Walls go up when you do this. Both of you on the offense, you won't get anywhere.
2. Own your feelings- instead of attacking, own up to your own mistakes. This way you both grow together. Express them without letting them take over the issue at hand.
3. Do Not Drag in History- Focus on the issue at hand and move on. Bringing up past history only diverts attention.

Now there are some times in a relationship where you just can't agree on something. And there isn't a problem with that..you can agree to disagree but you must do it in a mature way. God made each one of us different, so there will be times when you won't agree. But you must realize that your relationship is more important that agreeing on every single thing. Just make sure that argument is even worth having. Because most of the time, they aren't.

We must always remember that God should always be in the ring with you. That doesn't mean God being in your corner and helping you win. It means, he is the only one who really can meet our needs. As Pastor Kerry says at the end of this chapter, "..we must be willing to deal with our anger and channel it the way Jesus did: toward achieving His Father's will, toward loving others." (One Month to Live, Pg. 93)

My way of learning

As I'm going through this second section of the book One Month to Live, it's bringing a lot of things to mind. I don't want anyone to feel like I'm writing this blog to preach or teach to anyone. This blog is my journal. It's a way I get things out. And sometimes it may sound like I'm babbling on and on, and other times it sounds like I'm giving a lecture. Well I don't want anyone to think I'm doing that on purpose.

When I sit down to write this blog, I'm really just writing what's on my mind about that chapter. A lot of the times I don't really understand what I just read until I sit down, dissect what the chapter is telling me, and then type it out. I'm really just learning as I type.

Now at the end of each chapter there is what Pastor Kerry likes to call "Make it Last for Life." In this section of the book, its not that easy to just post what is written. A lot of the times it is just something to think about and I'm not going to just copy what he wrote. At the end of every day, I think about those questions and I do them for myself... not for anyone else.

I just wanted to touch base with everyone..whoever does read this blog. I'm not trying to lecture to anyone, I write this to help me and maybe help another.

Day 11: Everest- Scaling the Obstacles to Unity

"Make it Count Moment"
How happy are you with majority of the relationships you have right now? Excellent? Okay? Pretty rough? or terrible? Whats keeping you in that state?

These questions really made me think. I think in all of my relationships that I have right now, we're doing great. That's why I still have those relationships right now. I may have grown apart from some people but most of them still know I care about them. With the ones I'm not doing ok with, I have strayed away from. They seemed to be tying me down. And it's not about me judging them, it's about me trying to be closer to God and a lot of people that were in my life were all about drama. I don't want any of that. Some relationships fell apart because I started changing. I couldn't go out anymore, so therefore they didn't want to hang out with me anymore..and that's ok. I'm glad I see what I really was to that person. It's not hurting me any.

There are a few things that can really hinder a relationship from being all that it can be. Some times it is hard getting along with others. One of the first things is misunderstanding. So often we butt heads and don't ever want to compromise on things.  You have your opinion and they have theirs and you're sticking to it. I myself have always had a problem with not really accepting people as they really are. So often I try to change them or push them away because they annoy me and aren't like me. But know this, we all have differences of opinions. Not every person in the world is just like you. We must accept each other, accept differences of opinion, and move on.

The second thing is the "me-first" attitude. "I'll give you this, only if you do something for me." We need to learn to compromise. To be honest, this puzzled me. Maybe it's just the relationships I've been in, but I've seen so many times where I did so many things to make that other person happy but they never compromised with me..I was being walked all over. There is a difference in compromising and bullying. Meet in the middle. Do things that make both sides happy and allow both people to get what they need.

And last thing that can really stop a relationship from reaching its full potential is our mistakes. As I keep saying throughout this blog, we are all human. We all make mistakes. But if you can't forgive someone and move on, that mistake they made will keep popping into your head and will affect your relationship from then on out. It's natural for us to protect ourselves from ever being hurt again, but why hammer someone down again and again when they are trying to make things better. That bitterness, as described in Day 10, will only keep festering inside you and bringing you down unless we fully forgive that person.

Day 10: Ocean- Exploring the Depths of Forgiveness

Forgiveness!
Don't ya wish it was just that easy? Its hard forgiving someone who stabbed you in the back, broke your heart, offended you, or even ran over your favorite pet. But have you ever thought of the things you have done? You want forgiveness right? There are so many things that I know I have done that I regret.. I want forgiveness.

"Our Father in heaven,

hallowed be your name,

your kingdom come,

your will be done

on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us today our daily bread.

Forgive us our debts,

as we also have forgiven our debtors.

And lead us not into temptation,

but deliver us from the evil one.

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your father will not forgive your sins."

Mathew 6:9-15 (NIV)

Majority of us have heard this, but have we really thought about it? "Forgive us our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors?" Hmmmm... I would hate to be forgiven of all my sins and things I've done wrong they way I've forgiven some people. If that was the case, no one would talk to me. God wouldn't even care about me if he forgave me like that. Sometimes I forgive someone because I know its the right thing to do, but then I don't speak to them ever again. Is that really forgiving someone?

There are reasons we must forgive.

1. God commands it!
2. For our own sake. If we don't really forgive someone, the bitterness lingers and it just brings ourself down.

I am dealing with this right now. As much as I know I'm supposed to forgive someone for hurting me, and as many times I have forgiven this person, the pain still hurts. Sometimes I think about what that person has said and it brings me down again and again. I'm human. I can't help feeling hurt. But one thing that I'm getting better at, is asking for God's help.

Pastor Kerry wrote something that makes a lot of sense and pretty much sums it all up. "God says you need to forgive for your own sake, because bitterness blocks the blessings He wants to pour into your life. If you open up to God by forgiving and praying for those who hurt you, then blessings can start flowing again. Healing starts to occur in your soul. Jesus was our greatest example of breathing forgiveness." (One Month to Live, Pg. 77)

So now with all of that being said, we must give up our sins to Him and ask for forgiveness. If we don't,we will carry around this huge weight of regret that only He can take from us. Until we really experience God's love, grace, and forgiveness, we will never fully be able to forgive others.

Day 9: Heart of the Matter- Relating And NOT Waiting

As I just read through today's chapter, one passage of scripture really called out to me. I've loved this passage since I was a little girl and it seemed to fit very well with today's lesson...

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us."

1 John 4:7-12 (NIV)

I really enjoyed today's lesson. It has made me think. What if I did only have 30 more days to live? And I know I'm not the only one out there who has ever thought if anyone would actually go to their  funeral. There have been so many people I have done wrong. I've lied to my parents, backstabbed my friends, talked behind others backs, and I know there have been more than a hundred occasions when I was rude to someone. And you can't tell me I'm the only one out there who has done such a thing.

But if you only had one month to live, who would you really want to connect with? Think about it...ponder on it. I could list so many names. And with every single one of those names, I don't think 30 days is enough. I wouldn't ever want to say goodbye. I would want to make things right with someone I've done wrong, I would want to spend as much quality time with my family as possible, and I would let every friend I have out there know how much I love them. In every day life, we don't think about this. We don't really appreciate the time we have with someone until its too late.

Well I don't want any day to be too late. I love each and every one of you, and for anyone I have ever done wrong, I'm sorry! I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I didn't appreciate you at the time. And I regret ever doing you wrong. If I could take it back I would. But I can't. All I can ask for is your forgiveness. I hope you can forgive me like Jesus has forgiven me.

"Make it Last for Life"

If you only had one more month to live, list all the people you would want to see and reconnect with..to share your heart and how much they mean to you.

 

 

 

 





Day 8: Kick Start- Living Life in Full Throttle

Like I said in my previous post, some of these chapters don't really pop out to me. And some of these chapters may be talking about something completely different than what I'm actually getting out of it. But here is what I got out of today's.

In today's chapter of One Month to Live, it's talking about being powerless. Have you ever felt powerless? Feel like just sinking into the bed of the couch and crying your eyes out from how far you've fallen? Yeah I've been there too. I know I'm only 22 yrs old but I feel at one time I hit rock bottom. And they always say, "Once you hit bottom, the only way to go from there is up." Well that way up took forever it seems like. I'm still not all the way there, but I'm sure not as deep as I was.

It was just about a year ago when I lost a job that I had for about 3 yrs. It was a great job to most. I was employed with the county, had full benefits, had 3 day weekends, and played on the computer all day. Score right?! Well I was forced to resign. I had been there since I was 18 and didn't know what to do. I was so scared. I had just signed the contract for my new apartment, had a car note, and so many other bills. How was I going to survive? Well moving on, two weeks later I busted my butt to get hired on with a water company. I got the job! Yipee!! I was there for 6 months and turns out this was not the job for me. Due to many complications, I was laid off. At this time, I was in a relationship with someone that was going down the crapper...quick, fast, and in a hurry. I tried so hard to make it work, but in the process, I put my trust in him. He knew I just lost my job, had only my severance pay and what I had earned to live on and pay bills with, and I trusted him to help me out with bills...since he was living with me of course. Well push comes to shove, he ended up leaving me...the last day rent was due. All my money had been spent on groceries and luxuries. I was foolish with that money...I admit it. My parents ended up having to pay for my rent that I couldn't pay. I ended up getting a job at a bar that my friend worked at, but this was not what I had pictured for myself. Not once did I ever think I would have fell this hard. But I did. Then two months later I found out I was two months pregnant..by a man who I just found out got sent to prison for six years a month previous for violating probation and parole. My ex who left me with no money.  I picked a real winner huh?

It took a lot out of me and my parents. But thanks to their prayer, their faith in me, and God watching over me, I've been able to dig myself further and further out of that hole. I'm not there yet but I know I'll get there eventually. If only I put my trust in God in the first place and did things His way, I would have never been in those situations.

My PawPaw said something to me when I first told my grandparents I was pregnant. I didn't know he said this to me because I probably wasn't listening to him. My dad actually told me he said this tonight. My PawPaw said "The only difference between your sin and everyone else's is, yours will show in 9 months." Sounds harsh huh? Made me cry!! But he wasn't saying it out of judgement, he said it as comfort. We all sin... in many more ways than one.

Prayer Request:
My family, my friends, and my walk with the Lord! We all sin, we all struggle, but looking to Him and seeking Him and His guidance is what will keep us out of falling in a deep dark hole.
I have a test tomorrow morning with the county. Prayers that I pass this test so I may be able to get hired on to a county job again.
I also have a job interview for a part time Supervisor Position. If the Lord wants me there, He'll make it happen.


Praise:
Looked through my file at the county, and there is nothing in my file saying that I can't be hired on with the county again.
Praise for such an amazing family. They truly are a blessing!
To my parents- Thank you so much for everything. Thank you for the new mattress, thank you for your faith in me, thank you for helping me in so many ways, thank you for always being there for a shoulder to cry on, and most of all thank you for your Grace. I know I'm a screw up and you two are so strong. I hope I'm as good of a parent as y'all are. I love you Mom and Dad!! <3