Day 12: Boxing Ring- Resolving Conflict by Fighting Fair

I really really enjoyed today's chapter. It's something I think that I definetly need to work on and so do many other people. There is not many ways that I can really write it all out but I can give you an outline of what it was talking about. It may help you like it did me. It made me really think about how I handle conflict between people.

There are many different styles to fighting. We may not notice where we stand or what kind of fighter we are. So here are some types.

1. Rope-a-dope fighter- Muhammed Ali approach. Will sit there with a guard up allowing the other person to attack while they just wear themselves out. They avoid conflict.
2. Knockout Artist- "Its my way or the highway." This person will fight until the other person gives up and they win. The opponent has no voice and gets walked all over.
3. Take-the-Fall fighter- They give up early in the fight. They become doormats. Often creates bitterness in that person and dangerous pride to the person doing the walking on.
4. One-Two puncher- Give and take. You win half, I win half.
5. Sparring Partner- Best style. This person is committed to being a part of the team and helps out their partner. Stay in the conflict until a mutual decision has resolved. These fighters realize that their relationship is way more important than the stupid argument they were in.

"Make it Count Moment"
What type of fighter do you think you are? Where do you think this style came about?

To be honest, I think I may be a mix between two. Now that I look at it, Some times I think I'm the Knockout artist and other times I think I'm the Take-the-Fall fighter. But it also depends on who I'm fighting against. My Mom and Dad are so amazing and they are amazing Sparring partners. I honestly don't know where my fighting style came from because it obviously didn't come from them. Maybe I just need to wait for God's match for me and then I'll have my sparring partner.

Ground Rules!
At the beginning of every match, ground rules are set in the ring. These should be set before any confrontation. With a co-worker, remind each other that you are committed to finding a solution and with a friend, remind them of what that friendship means to you.

Now also before each match, mouth guards are put in. We often don't think of how words can hurt another person. This wound can fester for years and really hinder the relationship, just by letting something slip.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen....Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

Ephesians 4:29-32 (NIV)

Ground Rules:

1. Don't attack- attack the issue at hand WITHOUT attacking each other. Walls go up when you do this. Both of you on the offense, you won't get anywhere.
2. Own your feelings- instead of attacking, own up to your own mistakes. This way you both grow together. Express them without letting them take over the issue at hand.
3. Do Not Drag in History- Focus on the issue at hand and move on. Bringing up past history only diverts attention.

Now there are some times in a relationship where you just can't agree on something. And there isn't a problem with that..you can agree to disagree but you must do it in a mature way. God made each one of us different, so there will be times when you won't agree. But you must realize that your relationship is more important that agreeing on every single thing. Just make sure that argument is even worth having. Because most of the time, they aren't.

We must always remember that God should always be in the ring with you. That doesn't mean God being in your corner and helping you win. It means, he is the only one who really can meet our needs. As Pastor Kerry says at the end of this chapter, "..we must be willing to deal with our anger and channel it the way Jesus did: toward achieving His Father's will, toward loving others." (One Month to Live, Pg. 93)