I've Only Just Begun

So for all of you readers out there, not sure who all you are, I'm sure most of you have noticed I totally bailed on this whole blog writing thing. Don't get me wrong, I loved doing it, but I was doing it for all the wrong reasons. Now this doesn't mean I stopped reading the book or working out the daily lessons, cause that is definetly not the case. I just stopped writing the blog.

When I was reading the book and writing the blog every night, the only thing I was focused on was what I was going to write. It got very distracting. I was so worried about what to write and if anyone would get anything from it, I was hardly focusing on what it's intentions were for my life. It's sad when I would just get on blogspot and look at my stats for each day, wondering who all was reading this thing. I mean it's nice to have had someone actually reading it and enjoying it, but it became my main focus...so I stopped writing the blog so I could focus more on my spiritual journey than my writing.

I have finished the book, and I did finish it all in 30 days...just like the book intended for me to do. But that does not mean this is the end. I did not just turn into this amazing, godly person in 30 days. There is still a lot of things that need work in my life and I plan to accomplish it all with God right there with me. I just have to remember to put him first in my life.

God Bless everyone! <3

Day 12: Boxing Ring- Resolving Conflict by Fighting Fair

I really really enjoyed today's chapter. It's something I think that I definetly need to work on and so do many other people. There is not many ways that I can really write it all out but I can give you an outline of what it was talking about. It may help you like it did me. It made me really think about how I handle conflict between people.

There are many different styles to fighting. We may not notice where we stand or what kind of fighter we are. So here are some types.

1. Rope-a-dope fighter- Muhammed Ali approach. Will sit there with a guard up allowing the other person to attack while they just wear themselves out. They avoid conflict.
2. Knockout Artist- "Its my way or the highway." This person will fight until the other person gives up and they win. The opponent has no voice and gets walked all over.
3. Take-the-Fall fighter- They give up early in the fight. They become doormats. Often creates bitterness in that person and dangerous pride to the person doing the walking on.
4. One-Two puncher- Give and take. You win half, I win half.
5. Sparring Partner- Best style. This person is committed to being a part of the team and helps out their partner. Stay in the conflict until a mutual decision has resolved. These fighters realize that their relationship is way more important than the stupid argument they were in.

"Make it Count Moment"
What type of fighter do you think you are? Where do you think this style came about?

To be honest, I think I may be a mix between two. Now that I look at it, Some times I think I'm the Knockout artist and other times I think I'm the Take-the-Fall fighter. But it also depends on who I'm fighting against. My Mom and Dad are so amazing and they are amazing Sparring partners. I honestly don't know where my fighting style came from because it obviously didn't come from them. Maybe I just need to wait for God's match for me and then I'll have my sparring partner.

Ground Rules!
At the beginning of every match, ground rules are set in the ring. These should be set before any confrontation. With a co-worker, remind each other that you are committed to finding a solution and with a friend, remind them of what that friendship means to you.

Now also before each match, mouth guards are put in. We often don't think of how words can hurt another person. This wound can fester for years and really hinder the relationship, just by letting something slip.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen....Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

Ephesians 4:29-32 (NIV)

Ground Rules:

1. Don't attack- attack the issue at hand WITHOUT attacking each other. Walls go up when you do this. Both of you on the offense, you won't get anywhere.
2. Own your feelings- instead of attacking, own up to your own mistakes. This way you both grow together. Express them without letting them take over the issue at hand.
3. Do Not Drag in History- Focus on the issue at hand and move on. Bringing up past history only diverts attention.

Now there are some times in a relationship where you just can't agree on something. And there isn't a problem with that..you can agree to disagree but you must do it in a mature way. God made each one of us different, so there will be times when you won't agree. But you must realize that your relationship is more important that agreeing on every single thing. Just make sure that argument is even worth having. Because most of the time, they aren't.

We must always remember that God should always be in the ring with you. That doesn't mean God being in your corner and helping you win. It means, he is the only one who really can meet our needs. As Pastor Kerry says at the end of this chapter, "..we must be willing to deal with our anger and channel it the way Jesus did: toward achieving His Father's will, toward loving others." (One Month to Live, Pg. 93)

My way of learning

As I'm going through this second section of the book One Month to Live, it's bringing a lot of things to mind. I don't want anyone to feel like I'm writing this blog to preach or teach to anyone. This blog is my journal. It's a way I get things out. And sometimes it may sound like I'm babbling on and on, and other times it sounds like I'm giving a lecture. Well I don't want anyone to think I'm doing that on purpose.

When I sit down to write this blog, I'm really just writing what's on my mind about that chapter. A lot of the times I don't really understand what I just read until I sit down, dissect what the chapter is telling me, and then type it out. I'm really just learning as I type.

Now at the end of each chapter there is what Pastor Kerry likes to call "Make it Last for Life." In this section of the book, its not that easy to just post what is written. A lot of the times it is just something to think about and I'm not going to just copy what he wrote. At the end of every day, I think about those questions and I do them for myself... not for anyone else.

I just wanted to touch base with everyone..whoever does read this blog. I'm not trying to lecture to anyone, I write this to help me and maybe help another.

Day 11: Everest- Scaling the Obstacles to Unity

"Make it Count Moment"
How happy are you with majority of the relationships you have right now? Excellent? Okay? Pretty rough? or terrible? Whats keeping you in that state?

These questions really made me think. I think in all of my relationships that I have right now, we're doing great. That's why I still have those relationships right now. I may have grown apart from some people but most of them still know I care about them. With the ones I'm not doing ok with, I have strayed away from. They seemed to be tying me down. And it's not about me judging them, it's about me trying to be closer to God and a lot of people that were in my life were all about drama. I don't want any of that. Some relationships fell apart because I started changing. I couldn't go out anymore, so therefore they didn't want to hang out with me anymore..and that's ok. I'm glad I see what I really was to that person. It's not hurting me any.

There are a few things that can really hinder a relationship from being all that it can be. Some times it is hard getting along with others. One of the first things is misunderstanding. So often we butt heads and don't ever want to compromise on things.  You have your opinion and they have theirs and you're sticking to it. I myself have always had a problem with not really accepting people as they really are. So often I try to change them or push them away because they annoy me and aren't like me. But know this, we all have differences of opinions. Not every person in the world is just like you. We must accept each other, accept differences of opinion, and move on.

The second thing is the "me-first" attitude. "I'll give you this, only if you do something for me." We need to learn to compromise. To be honest, this puzzled me. Maybe it's just the relationships I've been in, but I've seen so many times where I did so many things to make that other person happy but they never compromised with me..I was being walked all over. There is a difference in compromising and bullying. Meet in the middle. Do things that make both sides happy and allow both people to get what they need.

And last thing that can really stop a relationship from reaching its full potential is our mistakes. As I keep saying throughout this blog, we are all human. We all make mistakes. But if you can't forgive someone and move on, that mistake they made will keep popping into your head and will affect your relationship from then on out. It's natural for us to protect ourselves from ever being hurt again, but why hammer someone down again and again when they are trying to make things better. That bitterness, as described in Day 10, will only keep festering inside you and bringing you down unless we fully forgive that person.

Day 10: Ocean- Exploring the Depths of Forgiveness

Forgiveness!
Don't ya wish it was just that easy? Its hard forgiving someone who stabbed you in the back, broke your heart, offended you, or even ran over your favorite pet. But have you ever thought of the things you have done? You want forgiveness right? There are so many things that I know I have done that I regret.. I want forgiveness.

"Our Father in heaven,

hallowed be your name,

your kingdom come,

your will be done

on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us today our daily bread.

Forgive us our debts,

as we also have forgiven our debtors.

And lead us not into temptation,

but deliver us from the evil one.

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your father will not forgive your sins."

Mathew 6:9-15 (NIV)

Majority of us have heard this, but have we really thought about it? "Forgive us our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors?" Hmmmm... I would hate to be forgiven of all my sins and things I've done wrong they way I've forgiven some people. If that was the case, no one would talk to me. God wouldn't even care about me if he forgave me like that. Sometimes I forgive someone because I know its the right thing to do, but then I don't speak to them ever again. Is that really forgiving someone?

There are reasons we must forgive.

1. God commands it!
2. For our own sake. If we don't really forgive someone, the bitterness lingers and it just brings ourself down.

I am dealing with this right now. As much as I know I'm supposed to forgive someone for hurting me, and as many times I have forgiven this person, the pain still hurts. Sometimes I think about what that person has said and it brings me down again and again. I'm human. I can't help feeling hurt. But one thing that I'm getting better at, is asking for God's help.

Pastor Kerry wrote something that makes a lot of sense and pretty much sums it all up. "God says you need to forgive for your own sake, because bitterness blocks the blessings He wants to pour into your life. If you open up to God by forgiving and praying for those who hurt you, then blessings can start flowing again. Healing starts to occur in your soul. Jesus was our greatest example of breathing forgiveness." (One Month to Live, Pg. 77)

So now with all of that being said, we must give up our sins to Him and ask for forgiveness. If we don't,we will carry around this huge weight of regret that only He can take from us. Until we really experience God's love, grace, and forgiveness, we will never fully be able to forgive others.

Day 9: Heart of the Matter- Relating And NOT Waiting

As I just read through today's chapter, one passage of scripture really called out to me. I've loved this passage since I was a little girl and it seemed to fit very well with today's lesson...

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us."

1 John 4:7-12 (NIV)

I really enjoyed today's lesson. It has made me think. What if I did only have 30 more days to live? And I know I'm not the only one out there who has ever thought if anyone would actually go to their  funeral. There have been so many people I have done wrong. I've lied to my parents, backstabbed my friends, talked behind others backs, and I know there have been more than a hundred occasions when I was rude to someone. And you can't tell me I'm the only one out there who has done such a thing.

But if you only had one month to live, who would you really want to connect with? Think about it...ponder on it. I could list so many names. And with every single one of those names, I don't think 30 days is enough. I wouldn't ever want to say goodbye. I would want to make things right with someone I've done wrong, I would want to spend as much quality time with my family as possible, and I would let every friend I have out there know how much I love them. In every day life, we don't think about this. We don't really appreciate the time we have with someone until its too late.

Well I don't want any day to be too late. I love each and every one of you, and for anyone I have ever done wrong, I'm sorry! I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I didn't appreciate you at the time. And I regret ever doing you wrong. If I could take it back I would. But I can't. All I can ask for is your forgiveness. I hope you can forgive me like Jesus has forgiven me.

"Make it Last for Life"

If you only had one more month to live, list all the people you would want to see and reconnect with..to share your heart and how much they mean to you.

 

 

 

 





Day 8: Kick Start- Living Life in Full Throttle

Like I said in my previous post, some of these chapters don't really pop out to me. And some of these chapters may be talking about something completely different than what I'm actually getting out of it. But here is what I got out of today's.

In today's chapter of One Month to Live, it's talking about being powerless. Have you ever felt powerless? Feel like just sinking into the bed of the couch and crying your eyes out from how far you've fallen? Yeah I've been there too. I know I'm only 22 yrs old but I feel at one time I hit rock bottom. And they always say, "Once you hit bottom, the only way to go from there is up." Well that way up took forever it seems like. I'm still not all the way there, but I'm sure not as deep as I was.

It was just about a year ago when I lost a job that I had for about 3 yrs. It was a great job to most. I was employed with the county, had full benefits, had 3 day weekends, and played on the computer all day. Score right?! Well I was forced to resign. I had been there since I was 18 and didn't know what to do. I was so scared. I had just signed the contract for my new apartment, had a car note, and so many other bills. How was I going to survive? Well moving on, two weeks later I busted my butt to get hired on with a water company. I got the job! Yipee!! I was there for 6 months and turns out this was not the job for me. Due to many complications, I was laid off. At this time, I was in a relationship with someone that was going down the crapper...quick, fast, and in a hurry. I tried so hard to make it work, but in the process, I put my trust in him. He knew I just lost my job, had only my severance pay and what I had earned to live on and pay bills with, and I trusted him to help me out with bills...since he was living with me of course. Well push comes to shove, he ended up leaving me...the last day rent was due. All my money had been spent on groceries and luxuries. I was foolish with that money...I admit it. My parents ended up having to pay for my rent that I couldn't pay. I ended up getting a job at a bar that my friend worked at, but this was not what I had pictured for myself. Not once did I ever think I would have fell this hard. But I did. Then two months later I found out I was two months pregnant..by a man who I just found out got sent to prison for six years a month previous for violating probation and parole. My ex who left me with no money.  I picked a real winner huh?

It took a lot out of me and my parents. But thanks to their prayer, their faith in me, and God watching over me, I've been able to dig myself further and further out of that hole. I'm not there yet but I know I'll get there eventually. If only I put my trust in God in the first place and did things His way, I would have never been in those situations.

My PawPaw said something to me when I first told my grandparents I was pregnant. I didn't know he said this to me because I probably wasn't listening to him. My dad actually told me he said this tonight. My PawPaw said "The only difference between your sin and everyone else's is, yours will show in 9 months." Sounds harsh huh? Made me cry!! But he wasn't saying it out of judgement, he said it as comfort. We all sin... in many more ways than one.

Prayer Request:
My family, my friends, and my walk with the Lord! We all sin, we all struggle, but looking to Him and seeking Him and His guidance is what will keep us out of falling in a deep dark hole.
I have a test tomorrow morning with the county. Prayers that I pass this test so I may be able to get hired on to a county job again.
I also have a job interview for a part time Supervisor Position. If the Lord wants me there, He'll make it happen.


Praise:
Looked through my file at the county, and there is nothing in my file saying that I can't be hired on with the county again.
Praise for such an amazing family. They truly are a blessing!
To my parents- Thank you so much for everything. Thank you for the new mattress, thank you for your faith in me, thank you for helping me in so many ways, thank you for always being there for a shoulder to cry on, and most of all thank you for your Grace. I know I'm a screw up and you two are so strong. I hope I'm as good of a parent as y'all are. I love you Mom and Dad!! <3

Questions.... I'm human! And I'm no where near perfect.

Today has been a good day, and an emotional one at that. Not because of things going wrong but because of my faith. I'm going to be completely honest with whoever is reading this. Some of these chapters don't hit me. They don't really speak to me. And some of these chapters may not speak to a certain individual like they do another. They are saying something but I just don't feel that rush when I read sometimes.. like I thought I would feel. When I got this book, I knew it was a good step for me. I knew it was a great committment and an awesome place to start. Believe me when I say this, there has been a huge change in me and some may be able to see it. But I guess my hopes in reading this book were all wrong. I was hoping to be "shown" the way. I was hoping it was going to be handed to me. Some of you may know what I'm meaning.

For the past week, I've been reading this book every day, on the day it tells me to. I get what I want out of it and work on it. Then I sit down to my computer and I rant on what I've learned that day... But I've been questioning myself. Am I just reading and doing what it says do because its become a challenge to me or am I actually taking in what it is saying and having God show me his way? To be honest, it has become a routine and a chore for me to do each day. I wake up, read like I'm supposed to, then I get on the computer and write this blog because I said I was committed to doing it.

Like I said before, questions arised. I sat down with my mom and dad and let them know my concerns. What I was feeling. I let God know I was feeling these feelings too. My heart was on the line tonight but I rathered bringing it up than letting it bury deep inside me and not get anything accomplished. Am I a fake? How do I know God is talking to me? How can I talk to someone who isn't there? Am I really saved?

Do you know what's been missing this whole time? God! I wake up and do this, like I said, as a chore. Not once through these 8 days have I woke up and asked God to show me what He wants me to see for the day. I take in what he shows me throughout the day, but like my dad said tonight..."Thats like you going into work, sitting there all day, then when its time to leave and you clock out, you finally ask your manager if there is anything you can do for him." I'm being as real as it gets right now, and I'm a work in progress. I need to grow stronger in my faith.

I have asked the Lord to do some work in me. And he knows my heart. I've talked to him about it. But starting today, God will be the first I speak to.

Day 7: Dreamsicle- Thawing out your Frozen Dreams

"Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world."

-Harriet Tubman

"Make it Last for Life"

1. Whats in your dream box? What dream would you actually attempt to do for God if you knew you wouldn't fail?
2. Describe a dream that you believe is from God. How has this dream become number one on your list? Does it require faith? How would this dream serve others?

This chapter really made me think. I know we can all possibly list dreams that we have, but have we really thought of what purpose they will serve. I remember when I was little, I wanted to be a fighter pilot in the Navy (I watched Top Gun a lot.) I still to this day want to work for the U.S. Marshall service and catch fugitives. I think that would be totally awesome. But the difference between those dreams and the dreams that God has given me, those are just dreams that popped into my head..because they would be extremely cool. I honestly don't think God planted those dreams for me actually to conquer... they may be a dream he planted for a lot of people but not for me. And I've realized that because it's not something that weighs on my heart day in and day out.

Its taken me a while to really figure out the dream that God has given me, because I haven't really thought of it as a dream. But it is. I dream of one day being an amazing wife and mother. I dream of having a family. This may sound stupid to most and may not sound like a dream at all, but it is to me. The reason I know this is the dream God has given me, because I want to glorify him in the process. For so long, I have gone after the bad boys. If they didn't have a tattoo and it seems like a criminal history, I wasn't interested. Sad but it's true. I didn't really think of this dream that I had because I slipped away from God. I didn't see this dream anymore. I stashed it in my box of dreams. But the Lord has sure blessed me. As of right now, I have a little baby boy growing inside of me. I'm bringing new life to this world. I love him so much and he isn't even here yet. This dream became a reality again when I saw his little body and his face show up on that screen when I got my 20 week ultrasound. God was telling me " Time to grow up Amanda. You see what I've given you. Bring back that dream of being an amazing mommy one day because it's happening." (I'm actually crying thinking about it)

 I may not have a husband yet, but my blessing of a baby boy is making me realize how much time I wasted not finding a Godly man. My dream will become reality! I have Faith in the Lord and I do things now to glorify him. He will send that man who is right for me and right for my son. I believe I will have an amazing family one day, but until then, I will keep trying to be the best mommy I can be to my little boy. I'm going to keep serving the Lord.

Excuse my writing today, it may not all make sense, but I was typing from the heart. Bare with me.

Prayer Requests:

Family and Friends- Struggles, opportunites, and sicknesses.

My struggles

My baby boy- growth and health

Finding another job- one that God wants for me

My friend Jessica's growing baby girl- due April 29th

Praise:

My cousin Ryan and his wife Brandy- New addition to the family- Baby Wyatt

My friend Scooter who is staying faithful through this One Month To Live journey with me.

Day 6: Monkey Bars- Risking Greatness

trust- a person on whom or thing on which one relies

 

How many people can you actually say, whole heartedly, you trust? My list covers very few. I could really honestly say I whole heartedly only trust my parents. Thats it. Some friends I would like to say I trust but deep down I really don't. How many of us have God on our list? I have a problem with it myself. There are a lot of things in my life that I feel like I have to do myself and involving another person would only mess it up. But one thing I have to learn is, trusting in God is the only way to go. I need to let go and let God catch me and he will walk me through my struggles.

 

If we look in the passage, Mathew 25: 14-30, we see that just like the master, not only does God want us to trust him, but he doesn't want us to fear him in ways that allow us to grow. We can't hold back at things in life because we are scared. He has us! He will catch us. We can't be afraid of failing because he will love us no matter what.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

Deuteronomy 31: 6 (NIV)

One risk that I am currently afraid of taking is going back to school. First of all I don't know where to get the money or the time and then I'm worried about failing. I'm worried about work in between school. I see so many people going to school full time but they also have someone there paying for the luxuries. I don't have that. I can't go to school full time and not work. Impossible. I need money. Especially with a baby on the way. And that brings up another point. I want an education so I can provide for my baby boy. I want him to have a great life. Not one where he sees his mommy struggle and can barely make it by. I pray for a good job. But i really need to let go and allow God show me where he wants that to be. I need to let go of the monkey bars and have God catch me. I'm tired of holding on.

Prayer Requests:

family and friends- struggles, opportunities, sicknesses

me finding a job and getting an education- one that the Lord wants me to have

getting through every day struggles- I'm not perfect and I'm a work in progress

(Prayer Requests are welcome for anyone who actually does read this)

Praise:

STaying on this journey and remaining strong

My cousin Ryan and his wife Brandy for bringing baby boy Wyatt into this world

 

Day 5: Oxygen Mask- Breathing First

Today's lesson was pretty confusing to me. A lot of subjects were hit but to sum it up, it all came down to taking care of yourself and your spiritual walk FIRST before you could ever help anyone else in theirs. I'm sure most of you have heard the saying " You can't make someone else happy if you aren't happy yourself." This is what this chapter is basically saying but instead of happiness, its covering your health- spiritually, physically, emotionally, and relationally.

The part that really had me puzzled was the physically part.

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have recieved from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with you body."

1 Corinthians 6: 19 & 20 (NIV)

Is this supposed to mean that I'm supposed to be lean and fit for him? I don't see how me being chubby is going to keep me from going to Heaven or just being closer to God. Its like my dad says "Well when the rapture comes, I'll be sure to make it a challenge." He's such a goof. But as I looked further and after I sat down with my mom to discuss this question, Its not saying I have to be super fit and work out all the time, it's saying that keeping healthy brings more opportunities to do the Lord's work.

Another point that this is making, God made you in his image. He made you so perfect in his eyes. How you look is how he wants you to look. Quit worrying about what these "Top Models" look like. Quit worrying about the image that magazines are putting out there of how your supposed to look to be beautiful or handsome. I'm a curvy woman and I appreciate my curves now, because I know no matter how hard I try, some of those curves won't go away because of the way God has formed my body. But he did not make you to look like you just sat and ate a box of donuts...by yourself. He did not make you to look like you haven't taken care of your body and could care less to take care of it. Your body is a temple! Appreciate what he has made by taking care of it...inside and out!

"Make it Last for Life"

1. Rate your spiritual, physical, emotional, and relational health. One being horrible to ten being totally awesome.

•  Spiritual- 7
• Physical - 5-- I'm pregnant.. Thats my excuse and I'm sticking to it. I have another temple being made inside my temple. :))
• Emotional- 6
• Relational- 7

      2.  Make a goal for each of these areas and work on them during the rest of this month.

 

 

Prayer Request:

• Friends and Family- struggles, opportunities, sicknesses.
• Me finding another job- One that will provide for me and my new forming family. One that the Lord wants me to have
• Me and my journey through this.- Growing wiser, stronger in the lord, faithful

Praise:

•  My cousin Ryan and his wife Brandy had their little baby boy Wyatt tonight. Pray for strength though and his health. He was born a little bit early.
• Praise to my friend Scooter again for being such an awesome Accountability partner through this. He loved this chapter.
   
 

 



Day 4: Power Surge- Connecting with the Ultimate Source

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

John 15:1-5(NIV)

I'm going to be completely honest with you, today's lesson was hard for me. Talking to God does not come easy for me. Its not the talking part because most of you know, I could probably talk to a tree for about an hour. It's just the talking to Him part. Why would someone who I've done so wrong, who I've turned my back against, want to listen and talk to me? I just feel stupid. I mean I've been saved and all but I strayed away from him. I went back to doing things I wanted to do and the way I wanted to do them. Not once did I ask for him to help me in any of these situations. I was a branch trying to grow without being connected to the main vine.

I have been talking to him the past couple of weeks. I'm not talking about getting down on my knees and praying to him every second. But he's also there in my thoughts. There is not one thought that goes through my mind that he doesn't know about. So I try to include him in every day situations. I talk to him casually. It is getting easier to talk to him because I have accepted him into my heart and I am trying to live through him. If I were to live my life scared to talk to him, that would get me no where.

In this chapter, Pastor Kerry gives an awesome illustration. He says that with a little research, he has discovered that in today's vineyards, the head gardener trains his pruners for 2 to 3 years before ever letting them cut any branches. If a pruner messes up one tiny thing, he can ruin the whole crop. Well our Lord is the best pruner out there. He knows what he's doing. There are certain areas in our life that he is taking out and putting in. He does this so we can have a better quality of life. It may stink at times and not be what we want at all, but he knows what he is doing. And its up to us to listen to him, stay connected to his vine, and follow his leadership.

"Make it Count Moment"

Are there any areas in your life that you've seen God "prune"?

My answer is YES!! Some areas good and some I thought were horrible. Like just recently, he has pruned out all the bad influences in my life...anyone that was bringing me down. He let me see their true colors and listening to him, I let them go. Other times he may have taken a job opportunity away from me. This being something I really want, may not be what he wants for me. His timing is impeccable and I know he has what is right for me out there... Same goes with a relationship. Its just my choice to accept his decisions.



"Make it Last for Life"

1. What are some current barriers from connecting with God?
2. Write a letter or letter of prayer to God, opening yourself up to him about some present frustrations or let-downs.
3. How are you with communicating to him or confessing? If you knew you only had one month to live, how would you do that differently?

Prayer Requests:

To keep me motivated on this journey.

Be with me through my struggles in every day life... I'm a work in progress.

Be with my friends and family through all of their needs, whether it be sickness, opportunities, or struggles.

Praise:

Went to the baby doctor this morning and everything came out fine with my little Preston. Blood work came back and everything came back negative with birth defects or down syndrome. Thank you Lord!!!!!

Praise again to my friend Scooter who is staying strong and faithful on this One Month to Live journey with me... and thank you for his accountability always being there for someone to talk to and keeping me strong.



Day 3: Time Squared- Spending your most Valuable Resource

"A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life."

-Charles Darwin

Todays chapter of One Month to Live is something that I'm sure everyone could really use some work on... Time Management! Now this doesn't mean getting more things done at work or juggling extra homework. This day and age, life is so hectic and crazy, we can't stop and "smell the roses." We can't enjoy the Life that God has given us. Ask yourself this, when is the last time you really sat down and did something you really really loved and enjoyed? When is the last time you had a nice dinner with your family or close friends and just done some catching up? We only get so much time in life. Why not make every little second count. Because when that second passes, it's gone forever.





"Make It Last for Life"

1. Pastor Kerry and his wife Chris have asked me, you, whoever is taking on this journey with me, to make a journal this week of how we spend our time each day. And this goes from rating how productive our day was to how content we were with it.
2. Now they have also asked in todays lesson, what was the biggest waste of time in the past week? Did any of it pay off for you? Was it a distraction or entertainment? And is there a better way we could have spent this time to receive a greater impact?





I definetly know there are many moments in life that I waste. Those times where I sat up and watched TV for hours, I could have spent time with my grandparents. I could have taken a walk, spent time with God reading the bible, or just checking up on some friends to see how their life was doing. But I let those moments pass, and I would hate to let those moments pass to where it was too late and I couldn't have the chance again. Lets start making every moment count. Do something today you haven't done in a while that you really enjoy.

Prayer Requests:

This is something I also want to start throwing into my blog every day. I don't know why I didn't think of it sooner, but anyone who has a prayer request, whether it be unspoken or not, feel free to comment every day or just message me and I'm sure whoever else is reading this could pray with you and so will I. I do have a prayer request of my own today. Now we are all humans. We all make mistakes. But we also can all be forgiven if we ask the Lord to do so. Well I don't know if this is pregnancy, but I get a little touchy with people every now and then. Some people just annoy me. I ask that the Lord gives me strength, keeps me calm, and remain a lady of Christ.

I do have another prayer request for myself also. There has been a certain someone that seems to be trying everything in their power to bring me down emotionally. I can't stand that when I'm trying to bring myself up, they are constantly pulling me down. I pray that I have strength through this and also pray that the Lord is with that person and heals their heart as well as mine... You can't get anywhere being a bully.

Pray for my friend Leslie's mother, for my friend Erica's stepdad, for my friend Jessica's growing little baby girl in her tummy, and also for my brother-n-law.

Praise:

This is also another thing I want to start doing.

I just want to Praise my friend Scooter for doing this book with me along with many other people in the world. He is really taking in what this book has to offer and is making some awesome changes in his life. It makes me happy to see him happy.



 
 

Day 2: Roller Coaster- Riding the Big Dipper

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

-Steve Jobs

If you're like me, there have been many opportunities arise in your life and the only "logical" answers your half-witted mind could come up with was "Ehhh... not today! I've got things to do," "I'm not doing that. That seems too risky. No way that would ever work out," or maybe it's just "Someday I will, but i feel my life needs to be more stable."

Don't you just hate having to grow up? So many responsibilities! I loved being a little kid and not having to worry about going to work, pay bills, or even my love life. The only thing I was ever concerned about was when I got to go out and play. But unfortunately, grown up life isn't that easy.

I don't know how many times when I was a little girl I got in trouble for procrastinating on what my mom had asked me to do. She would always say "You don't do it when you feel like doing it. Do it when I asked you to." Well believe it or not, this is what we're doing in God's eyes.

Today's chapter is all about putting away the "Someday" notion. Stop Procrastinating in life. Make every moment count...for good! A lot of the time, we are so afraid to step out of our boundaries because we're afraid of getting hurt, judgement, looking stupid, or even getting your heart broken. But when we do this, we are missing out on the life that God has intended us to have. He has created such an amazing life for us, but we just don't listen.

"Make it Last for Life"

1. If you were certain your life would end in a few weeks, what would be your biggest regret? Why?
2. In what area of your life are you suffering from the Someday Syndrome? Realize that TODAY is your Someday.

For the past week, I've been reading through the books of Joshua and Judges in the Old Testament. I'm not sure who all has really read the Old Testament but it's pretty harsh. I honestly had to sit down with my dad and ask, "Why is he being so mean and sending people to go kill?" You wanna know what his answer was? Well good because I'm going to tell you. He said "That's because God is a jealous God. All of those other people in the town that they were going to slay, were putting other idols before God. They did things the way they wanted to and didn't look to him." Thank goodness he sent his perfect son Jesus to die for MY sins, for MY imperfectness... because there is no way I would have made it past the age of around 5...when I became accountable for my actions. So to answer question 1, My answer would be missing out on all the God has had to offer me, but I just rejected what he had to say.

Its time to get back on track. Stop living the life you want to live! And stop saying "Someday I'll change or get around to it." It may be fun for now, but there are much bigger and better things out there when you start living your life in accordance with him. Now this step is going to ask for a lot of Faith. For those of you who don't know what Faith is, Faith is "the strong and unshakable belief in something, especially without proof or evidence." (World English Dictionary) Stop settling for less than what your life was made for. It doesn't have to be anything drastic, but even the smallest start helps. I know many of you have heard, 'Kindness is contagious,' and it's nothing short from the truth.

 Stand up for what God is asking you to do and how to act. You may think you look ridiculous, but when you take a step back, those people that are looking down on you or judging you are actually the ones that look moronic. And you never know, you standing up for what you believe in could actually change the decisions of entire group.

"Make it Count Moment"

Are you doing anything in your life right now that requires Faith? If not, then why? Are you looking from God's perspective or from everyone elses?

"Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. We live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. For we must all appear before the judgement seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad."

2 Corinthians 5: 6-10 (NIV)

Day 1: Living the Dash

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make your paths straight.

Do not be wise in your own eyes;

fear the Lord and shun evil.

This will bring health to your body

and nourishment to your bones.

Honor the Lord with your wealth,

with the firstfriuits of all your crops;

then your barns will be filled to overflowing,

and your vats will brim over with new wine"

Proverbs 3:5-10 (NIV)

So I'm not sure who all is reading this book and going on this same journey with me, but what I'm going to do throughout this blog is give you a little description of what I've read and what It is teaching, then I will share how it is affecting me and how I'm doing throughout each day.

This first chapter is pretty much an introduction to the book. It lets you know what the book is designed to do and what it was written for. Now this book is not intended for you to really live as if you had one more month..its not asking you to go out and quit your job, spend all your money, etc. Its progress. To start living your life to where you are no longer ashamed of it... To be the best father/ mother, husband/ wife, be a good example to others,and showing God's grace in everyday situations.

My dad has always given me an example.. You can't fill up a glass with Tea and expect milk to pour out. What you fill your mind and your soul is what will come out. As he always says, "trash in, trash out."

At the end of every chaper is what Pastor Kerry likes to title "Make It Last for Life." What this does is it offers ways to act on what has been presented in that chapter. So today on Day 1, It presents us with 3 things:

1. Without really thinking, what 5 things would you change in your life if you knew you had only one month to live. Choose at least one and begin changing it today.
2. Describe how you would like your life to be different in one month after reading this book. What drew you to purchase this book and what is going on in your life to make you want to think about who your are and your purpose here on earth?
3. Tell at least one other person- friend, family member, or coworker- that your reading this book. Ask that person to mark their calendars for one month from today and to ask you how your life has changed.

Well the first question really got me thinking. I could list a lot more things than just five. But since I'm sharing this journey with you, I will let you know what five things I put on my list.

1. My foul language
2. Respecting my friends and family more.
3. Reading the bible daily and doing my devotional
4. Getting rid of the trash that is bringing me down (whether it be media, friends, lifestyles, etc.)
5. Lust

Today I decided to start focusing on my language problem. Didn't really take notice to this problem until maybe about a couple of weeks ago when I wanted to start doing better for myself. Goodness gracious, never really noticed how trashy it sounds either. Now I'm not sure who all is in the same boat as me, and I hate to say it, but I've been using such foul language for such a long time that they just seem to be "filler" words to me... and Lord help me when I'm on the road, drop something, or injure myself. This has really got to stop. No way I want my son to use that type of language.

So today has been a challenge. One or two words did slip throughout the day, but this is also progress. Not everything is going to change over night but at least I'm trying.

Second question I have already answered at the very beginning and start of this blog project. If you don't know what I'm talking about please refer to it.

And last question asked me to tell a family member, friend, or coworker that I'm reading this book and there were soon to be changes in my life. Well I did all three. My friend Scooter is taking on this book with me and I couldn't be happier. I thank the Lord so much for having such a close friend do this with me. Accountability!!

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."

1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV)

The Reason

Well some of you may already know that I am bringing another life into this world very soon. His name is Preston Randal and I couldn't be more excited that I'm having a son. With saying that, I also couldn't be more scared. Throughout my life so far, I thought I was a pretty "alright" kid. I've never been arrested, I've never done drugs, never killed anyone, and so on. But I have been in and out of bars, I haven't been the nicest person to people, I haven't really watched my language, etc. I just pretty much did what I want and thought as long as I wasn't going to jail, I was doing pretty good for myself and was doing better than a lot of people my age. But in reality I wasn't. I haven't realized that until just recently.

Now some of you may laugh at me and think this is a total joke but I really want to change myself for the better. There are so many things that I've done in my life that I'm not proud of. It's sad when you feel like you can't talk to some of your family because you feel like they are judging you...and who can blame em'. For the longest time I've been wanting to get close to my sisters. I hate to think that they don't like me and can't stand being around me. I want my parents to be proud of me again...and I want my son to look up to me and not be ashamed that I'm his mom.

To be honest, I'm scared to be a mother. This is one of my greatest fears. I know I'm not the only one and this is a fear to most soon to be mothers but I'm just so scared that I'm not going to be able to provide for him, or care for him, or bring him up into this world like a little boy should. I want him to have a great life... a godly filled life. But being the one raising him, I can't teach him the right things if I'm not right myself. Can't teach about God if you don't know him.

So this is my first step.. I have to start somewhere. I am now attending The Fellowship of the Woodlands in The Woodlands, TX. The lead pastor and his wife, Kerry & Chris Shook, have written a book that some of you may have heard of already, One Month to Live. This book is a 30 day challenge to a no regrets life... to live as if you had One month left. It's time to make each day matter. I want to live each day as God has intended me to live- passionately, fully alive, and with no regrets.