Like I said in my previous post, some of these chapters don't really pop out to me. And some of these chapters may be talking about something completely different than what I'm actually getting out of it. But here is what I got out of today's.
In today's chapter of One Month to Live, it's talking about being powerless. Have you ever felt powerless? Feel like just sinking into the bed of the couch and crying your eyes out from how far you've fallen? Yeah I've been there too. I know I'm only 22 yrs old but I feel at one time I hit rock bottom. And they always say, "Once you hit bottom, the only way to go from there is up." Well that way up took forever it seems like. I'm still not all the way there, but I'm sure not as deep as I was.
It was just about a year ago when I lost a job that I had for about 3 yrs. It was a great job to most. I was employed with the county, had full benefits, had 3 day weekends, and played on the computer all day. Score right?! Well I was forced to resign. I had been there since I was 18 and didn't know what to do. I was so scared. I had just signed the contract for my new apartment, had a car note, and so many other bills. How was I going to survive? Well moving on, two weeks later I busted my butt to get hired on with a water company. I got the job! Yipee!! I was there for 6 months and turns out this was not the job for me. Due to many complications, I was laid off. At this time, I was in a relationship with someone that was going down the crapper...quick, fast, and in a hurry. I tried so hard to make it work, but in the process, I put my trust in him. He knew I just lost my job, had only my severance pay and what I had earned to live on and pay bills with, and I trusted him to help me out with bills...since he was living with me of course. Well push comes to shove, he ended up leaving me...the last day rent was due. All my money had been spent on groceries and luxuries. I was foolish with that money...I admit it. My parents ended up having to pay for my rent that I couldn't pay. I ended up getting a job at a bar that my friend worked at, but this was not what I had pictured for myself. Not once did I ever think I would have fell this hard. But I did. Then two months later I found out I was two months pregnant..by a man who I just found out got sent to prison for six years a month previous for violating probation and parole. My ex who left me with no money. I picked a real winner huh?
It took a lot out of me and my parents. But thanks to their prayer, their faith in me, and God watching over me, I've been able to dig myself further and further out of that hole. I'm not there yet but I know I'll get there eventually. If only I put my trust in God in the first place and did things His way, I would have never been in those situations.
My PawPaw said something to me when I first told my grandparents I was pregnant. I didn't know he said this to me because I probably wasn't listening to him. My dad actually told me he said this tonight. My PawPaw said "The only difference between your sin and everyone else's is, yours will show in 9 months." Sounds harsh huh? Made me cry!! But he wasn't saying it out of judgement, he said it as comfort. We all sin... in many more ways than one.
Prayer Request:
My family, my friends, and my walk with the Lord! We all sin, we all struggle, but looking to Him and seeking Him and His guidance is what will keep us out of falling in a deep dark hole.
I have a test tomorrow morning with the county. Prayers that I pass this test so I may be able to get hired on to a county job again.
I also have a job interview for a part time Supervisor Position. If the Lord wants me there, He'll make it happen.
Praise:
Looked through my file at the county, and there is nothing in my file saying that I can't be hired on with the county again.
Praise for such an amazing family. They truly are a blessing!
To my parents- Thank you so much for everything. Thank you for the new mattress, thank you for your faith in me, thank you for helping me in so many ways, thank you for always being there for a shoulder to cry on, and most of all thank you for your Grace. I know I'm a screw up and you two are so strong. I hope I'm as good of a parent as y'all are. I love you Mom and Dad!! <3
WE LOVE YOU TOO! mom & dad
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