The Reason

Well some of you may already know that I am bringing another life into this world very soon. His name is Preston Randal and I couldn't be more excited that I'm having a son. With saying that, I also couldn't be more scared. Throughout my life so far, I thought I was a pretty "alright" kid. I've never been arrested, I've never done drugs, never killed anyone, and so on. But I have been in and out of bars, I haven't been the nicest person to people, I haven't really watched my language, etc. I just pretty much did what I want and thought as long as I wasn't going to jail, I was doing pretty good for myself and was doing better than a lot of people my age. But in reality I wasn't. I haven't realized that until just recently.

Now some of you may laugh at me and think this is a total joke but I really want to change myself for the better. There are so many things that I've done in my life that I'm not proud of. It's sad when you feel like you can't talk to some of your family because you feel like they are judging you...and who can blame em'. For the longest time I've been wanting to get close to my sisters. I hate to think that they don't like me and can't stand being around me. I want my parents to be proud of me again...and I want my son to look up to me and not be ashamed that I'm his mom.

To be honest, I'm scared to be a mother. This is one of my greatest fears. I know I'm not the only one and this is a fear to most soon to be mothers but I'm just so scared that I'm not going to be able to provide for him, or care for him, or bring him up into this world like a little boy should. I want him to have a great life... a godly filled life. But being the one raising him, I can't teach him the right things if I'm not right myself. Can't teach about God if you don't know him.

So this is my first step.. I have to start somewhere. I am now attending The Fellowship of the Woodlands in The Woodlands, TX. The lead pastor and his wife, Kerry & Chris Shook, have written a book that some of you may have heard of already, One Month to Live. This book is a 30 day challenge to a no regrets life... to live as if you had One month left. It's time to make each day matter. I want to live each day as God has intended me to live- passionately, fully alive, and with no regrets.